My co-worker, Sam, and I were chatting in the office a couple of days ago. It was June 30th.
He turned to me and said, “did you know we’re about halfway through the year now?”
The question struck me quickly. I became suddenly aware that I am untethered to a normal concept of ‘time’, like every few months I step out of a time capsule.
Sam continued, “think about how much you’ve grown and learned in that time.”
He left me with that.
Based on how long it has taken me to write this post, I figure this will cover that ground in many ways… although, in all fairness, I have written here within the last six months – it’s close though.
So, without further ado…
Maranda and I are getting married!!!
I’ve said/written it to many people now (and it may sound a little cliche so buckle up and hold on): the truth is that I am marrying my best friend. I feel at home when I’m with Maranda in ways I can almost describe as supranatural – out of this world, in other words. If I write too much here, I’ll be stealing material from my vows so I have to be careful!
When I got involved with Cambrian Players in 2023 and auditioned for The Snow Queen, I never could have imagined how much it would change my life.
I never imagined it would lead me to this love.
It’s funny how embracing the things you love (in this case, theatre, acting, etc.) can lead you to the person you decide to spend loving for the rest of your life. Someone who shares the same birthday, lights up any and every room that she’s in, makes everyone laugh with her trademark wit and sense of humour, and generally sets out to make the world a better place (even just by existing).
Will the real Slim Shady Maranda Dumas please stand up?
I’m ready to take on the world and grow and change and be our wacky selves together until the day we’re both dizzy in the noodle, and then some.
I really think when you meet somebody who feels and seems like the embodiment of love – and who makes you feel like you’ve been graced with the kindest, carefulest, mindfulest, beautifulest (I make no apologies for the grotesquerie of this sentence) love in the world – you cherish that you even have the opportunity to exist at the same time on this planet as that person.
I just so happen to also be in love with and about to marry that person.
And that’s the way the love cookie crumbles…
I think back to when we decided we were getting married, one overcast afternoon at the Film Cafe in Kensington Market, where we spent some of the penultimate hours of our little trip to Toronto (Maranda had an ETFO conference).
We were simply discussing the future and knowing what we both want – knowing we’d already found it.
And then, already living together, having spent so much time with each other before that… nothing about it felt crazy or out of left field to me.
Even the initial concept we had in mind, which included making the whole wedding a surprise under the guise of a big ‘bowtie bash’ for my 30th birthday and Maranda’s 33rd, didn’t seem out there to me; it was all very us, and it still is. However, we realized we wanted to experience that pre-wedding excitement most couples share in with their friends and family ahead of time. All it really took was emceeing our friends’ wedding and sitting with another engaged couple we know. And, of course, there were the questions and suspicions people started to have when we handed out ‘birthday invitations’.
Honestly, I’m glad I get to shout it from the rooftops now. Sue me (but please don’t)!
After taking a trip down south to visit my family and introduce them to Maranda’s Mom and sister, I felt like it was a real challenge to keep a lid on things.
I mean, how am I supposed to shut up about it when I get to see this smile for the rest of my life…
Oh, and here’s a quick rundown of some other really cool stuff that happened during a period I shall now refer to as the Time WarpTM (aka the last six months):
ONE.
Co-hosted a swanky networking event in Calgary for the second year in a row.
TWO.
Joined Embody Dance Collective and signed up for their ‘For the Fellas’ program, which culminated in a big Embody dance show! I really overcame so much anxiety and self-doubt with Alter Ego.
I can’t thank Emma, Jessie, Kristina, Ken, Chris, Jordan, Eric, and Jon enough for their infectious talent and to Emma, Jessie, and Kristina in particular for their leadership/guidance and encouragement. I’m so proud of what our group presented onstage – but I’m also proud to have been a part of something larger than just our performances… it was something special, to put it mildly.
THREE.
All the friend birthdays – featuring Ken’s 50TH!!!
FOUR.
Ran Front of House for the run of Calendar Girls at Cambrian; caught this picture of a weirdo trying to get into the Hall during a performance.
He seemed oddly familiar and, yes, he was quite beligerent.
I guess someone had to keep me on my toes for my first time managing FOH for a show!
FIVE.
Planted a garden at work with my coworker, Kate.
We’ve got a few green thumbs in the office now, some budding and some well-experienced. I’d say I fall somewhere in the middle – with an eagerness and readiness to learn!
This was a great oppotunity to dig in (all puns intended).
SIX.
Hosted Cambrian Players’ Annual General Meeting & Volunteer Appreciation Night, where we revealed the plays and Improv dates for our upcoming 77th season!
The upcoming season will also see the return of the Cambrian Classic – which was Christmas Carol last year and Arsenic & Old Lace the year before that! The play chosen for a staged reading this year is Almost Maine, written by John Cariani and directed by Julie MacCoy (the Judy to my Johnny in Home, I’m Darling!) annnnnd featuring the original cast from Cambrian’s production in 2018; in other words, I get to finally see this show and I couldn’t be more excited (since I missed it when they did it 8 years ago) – it also means another chance to see Maranda onstage so I’d say that’s a bonus!
Not to mention the world premiere of local artist Eleanor Albanese’s play, The Novena Sisters; a horror-tinged March with William Goldman’s Misery; and a comedic/meta mainstage closer in the form of Mary Lynn Dobson’s Two on the Aisle, Three in the Van.
I’m not as familiar with the Green Room plays this season but that excites me even more.
SEVEN.
Took this photo of a spectacular sight – and a beautiful sunset too – coming out of a Cinderella rehearsal at Applauze Productions!
EIGHT.
Emcee’d the beautiful wedding ceremony of Kaitlyn and Alex Repec, friends of Maranda and I!
We were so happy to join the fabulous couple down at the waterfront for a splendid celebration of their love/union – we couldn’t be happier for them both!!!
NINE.
Survived the Great Lighthouse Rescue with my coworker, Sam.
A special thank you to United Way Thunder Bay and Krystyna Cappello, specifically, for getting us setup and ready to take on the waves. Similarly, thank you to the Royal Canadian Navy and sailors of the HMCS Griffon for getting us to and from the Main Lighthouse safely!
TEN.
I mentioned Cinderella earlier and we DID THE DARN THING as Thomas would say lovingly and encouragingly! It was quite a journey from rehearsal to finally mounting the production on the Trinity Hall stage and I cherished the opportunity to work with so many beyond talented, downright incredible people whom I’ve admired in this theatre community for a little while now (along with some familiar faces).
A big thank you to everyone involved for making the seemingly impossible possible and reminding me what a ball it is to play in such a grand ol’ musical! I missed it.
In many ways, it took me back to Grade 10 – to Hairspray and the big cast and large moving pieces, a beautiful whirlwind of creativity and carving out your moments; remembering time and time again that theatre, especially community theatre, often functions like a big crazy family.
And then, we all come together and chip away at breathing life into a world, into characters and a story. We all collectively believe and you feel it, you share it. An immovable fire.
Thank you for keeping my fire lit!
ELEVEN.
But I didn’t just miss musicals!
Andrei (Sleepy Gee Events) reached out to me awhile back and asked if I’d be interested in reading some of my poetry at a Queer Poetry event he was organizing for Pride Month.
It had been a hot minute since I’d gotten to read my writing out loud but I said yes and I’m so glad I did. I love the writing community here and I love celebrating and sharing with fellow local queer writers any day of the year! I’ve been so busy with theatre commitments it’s been hard to commit to anything writing-related but thankfully it all worked out for this event.
Plus, anytime I see my old pal Sam Convey it gets me inspired – if you haven’t, you should definitely checkout Sam’s writing and – if you’re living in Thunder Bay or just passing through and you’re into writing – I suggest you attend an event in the future, maybe grab Sam’s reasonably-priced book from a local shop like Entershine Bookshop (although I’d gladly fork over many a dollar for Sam’s work).
TWELVE.
And Lord tunderin’ Jaysus, the updates don’t stop there – I was also cast in Badanai Theatre‘s production of Come From Away.
I am blessed in every sense of the word to work with, again, faces new and familiar on a show that has come to define what it means to be Canadian, for many. Not to mention, a reminder of the unique relationship between Canada and the USA.
I’m excited, humbled, and honoured to work with my fellow castmates and our directors, Candi and Lawrence Badanai, to bring this show to life in Thunder Bay.
Can you tell I’ve been itching to get back into musicals?!
THIRTEEN (lucky bonus round!).
Turns out that guy harassing me at front of house was in Calendar Girls! I was supposed to let him in. Oh well… next time – and, as you can see, we made amends quickly. He’s alright.
Love you, Dennis!
Phew! I guess that about covers it, give or take some other little life-y bits!
Finding the love I’ve always imagined existed and planning a wedding has also reminded me that I am still growing into myself everyday.
That means, even in embracing this magnanimous love I cannot ignore my grief or needed shadow work.
Even with an abundance of love, you can’t ignore grief – and the only way out, as most of you reading this are well aware, is through the proverbial mud.
A friend visited Thunder Bay a month ago and the subject of addiction came up. We had an open and, frankly, very relatable discussion about it. I’ve seen addicition intersect with my life and the lives of those around me in a variety of ways and it was not only validating but enlightening to hear my friend talk about their experience.
The conversation also made me realize I’m still healing and recovering from things in my life which seem so far behind me somedays and yet so recent other days.
The only linear thing in this world is aging, I guess.
Grief, it seems, like to take the zig-zagging path of most chaos.
And how do I stay upright when a tidal wave of memories and feelings hurt threaten to collapse on me? I let myself cry, for a start. Next, I let it wash over me enough to really feel it, get out of my own head and find it in my body, focus… usually, there’s music playing.
My perception of time is so altered by my connection to music from numerous eras and genres – and a large part of that is because I find music triggers so many memories.
It’s been best, in any instance I’ve had to work through grief, to face it head on.
But not without a crucial element which I never forget (or strive to never forget): love.
I’ve written about this before and how there is a beauty in the sadness, in how we feel things and how we remember each other – how the time we had matters just as much once we’re gone or an experience has ended.
The end of one experience is the beginning of a new one. Just like the stories we tell.
And, the stories we tell often live far beyond us in their own way.
Not to anthropomorphize, of course, but I have always been inspired by that Shakespearean sense of literary immortality – as if, someday, a lone wanderer might stumble across some computer terminal in a post-apocalyptic wasteland a century from now and load up this blog post.
All I really know is that I am so fortunate to be in love, to share love, and to take part in a community that actively promotes love and doing what makes your heart happy.
Knowing you have support goes a long way – and knowing you’re loved makes a world of difference.
I, very quickly, digress!
I’ve written about the power of art and storytelling here many, many times. I’m not finished yet (obviously).
And, certainly, as an actor and performer my mind and body are always getting into the next character or overall narrative. After months of rehearsal, I felt like I really honed in on my ensemble character in Cinderella, for example – he was a former French mercenary-turned-knight who joined the royal guard thinking it would be a more relaxed affair… as you can imagine, things did not meet his chill expectations and the kingdom is in an interesting state at the top of Cinderella.
I watched and found myself inspired by everyone involved in different ways; it really was a massive collaborative effort and I was proud to be a part of it.
I think it’s easy to feel ‘lost in the crowd’ in big musicals like this but one thing I really enjoyed was the sense of camraderie and shared vision.
I think, too, it’s a little ironic: I love performing, I love meeting and working with new people in the arts, and I just love the arts on the whole – but I also drift massively between ‘on top of the world’ and ‘so insecure I suddenly believe everyone doubts me’.
It feels precarious (because it is).
And I still don’t have an answer for it, other than to keep on keeping on and try to internalize good things and genuine/constructive critiques or educational moments.
Maybe it’s simply because I’m surrounded by so much talent and people who genuinely seem like walking embodiments of light that I suddenly feel intimidated or inadequate – like, somehow, that all invalidates my own qualities or makes me redundant. But then, too, I realize that’s all just me getting caught up in my own thoughts and self-centering in a way I don’t like.
Even so, I have to face it. Face those negative thoughts and feelings and keep doing my shadow work.
That, and keep performing!
What can I say about Come From Away that you probably haven’t already heard?
It’s one of the best one-act musicals out in the world and it’s a Canadian story, to boot.
I am shocked, gooped, gagged, jaw on the floor-ed about being cast alongside such a talented and, quite frankly, hilarious/warm group of people.
This will be my first Badanai Theatre production and I am READY!
I bumped into a friend I used to work with before I moved away from Thunder Bay in 2021 and, catching up, it felt like so little time yet so much time had passed. I was reminded that even though I often feel displaced in time these days, it’s all connected. Every chapter, every version I see of myself, all the ‘fragments’, pieces of the puzzle.
A wondrous inner cosmos of experience by which I am often awestruck.
And here, now, after all these years – nearly 30 – still discovering new things, still learning, but sure of the love and change I want to see in this world and that I want for myself and those around me.
Sharing in that love with someone so likeminded and so genuine, who reflects all of the qualities to which I not only aspire but which I respect vastly; someone who enjoys acting and the world of theatre and the arts as much as I do.
With all of this reflection, I’m continually given the chance to really see myself too.
A co-worker of mine shared something with me the other day – not Sam this time, suprisingly.
Anyway, this co-worker was telling me a story about their daughter having an emotional night and behaving poorly (she’s six) – she said children often feel invalidated when adults scold them for outbursts because it makes them feel the emotions they are experiencing are unnatural; in turn, they could have a harder time processing emotions when they grow up. Instead, Dr. Becky recommends you sit with your children and listen to understand. My co-worker said, “works every time.”
So, I thought to myself, this is exactly what I need to do with myself, with all of my emotions.
Open their doors, walk into their rooms, sit at the edge of their beds, wait and listen.
I feel in my bones that now is the time to learn how to be the most ‘me’ I’ve ever been. Yes, even with worsening ADHD and an inability to say ‘no’ to new opportunities. I’m not defining myself in opposition or contrast to anyone else. Just listening and learning and challenging myself.
Embracing and celebrating the love I am given, that I return in kind, and remaining giddy about what comes next while living in the moment with my person.
Now, if I could answer the 75,000 message backlog I’ve managed to rack up… ah, one day at a time.
thatfroninja. 
You are also a walking embodiment of light, my love ❤️
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