Coffee & Cannabis – Entry #5: Settling into Something, Embracing the Uncertain

Looking for the previous C&C Diary? Look no further than this link (which takes you to my sister site – the hub of production: Midnight Dreamscapes… follow for more content!).

The latest C&C, fresh off the Midnight Dreamscapes Youtube channel!

Am I a writer? I’m a writer, right?

Well, I’ve been writing anyway.

One advantage of a provincial lockdown is less guilt about ignoring everything else so I can just sit here and write. The down side is I that I end up missing a bunch of stuff while I’m off in “my process” – it’s completely dysfunctional at the moment.

Also, it’s called binge writing and it’s not great.

Nonetheless, I’m on a roll with The Book of Naz – The Hierophant Borne of Fire (formerly known as The Gaia Prophecy).

Clint is neck-deep in his creative project, The Little House on Gore Street.

We discuss a little of each in the episode above and even more in the latest episode we have cooking for ya.

Writing is (but always kind of has been) on the mind.

My hours at work have picked up and I’m taking on more responsibilities. I moved into a new place with a new roommate. I have learned the art of growing a successful mustache (probably have quarantine to thank for that though). I’ve had my beard complimented at least once. And, as I wrote, I’m back on-track writing-wise.

I have an ineffable sense of productivity; the need to get things done, once and for all.

I finally wrote myself a little Five-Year-Plan (FYP).

My Grandma has taught me the importance of writing my goals down for myself to see. I cannot stress how clear it has made things start to feel. I have some semblance of a path.

For awhile, I was lost. I’ve been lost. Oh boy, let me tell you.

I don’t know how many times people try to remind me to take care of myself. It seems frequent – which suggests something to me I always lose sight of: maybe I’m not taking care of myself properly?

Then, I reach inside myself and look for what it is I want.

Some semblance of stability across all areas of my life.

I know. Austin coming out here with the unrealistic ask – life doesn’t just balance out, necessarily. Life is an unpredictable journey full of strange, terrible, and beautiful things.

Tis the stuff of which humanity is made, no?

I’m a human being. One who desparately seeks to take care of everyone but himself.

I’m trying to learn how to change that, one day at a time. I feel hopeful with each day I remember to make and take my lunch; every time I stop myself from making a disparaging remark about myself openly or inwardly; and every time I remind myself not to give up on love or living.

To tell you the truth though, this rollercoaster got a lot less rickety the moment I laid out my FYP. Not that I’m advertising any specific life planning method, in particular. It really is as simple as thinking about and writing down what you want in those five years. I’m at a good place for it considering I’ll almost be 30 by the time my FYP is done.

My social skills outside of work have been shot as of late, everything I meant to have done for the beginning of December is still pretty much unfinished or not started, and the list goes on and on and on.

Baby steps are all I’ve got right now, in some cases.

In others, I’ve had to make investments: e.g. purchasing two pairs of glasses to repair my broken ones.

Big and little steps. All at once. So this is adulting…

Gotta learn sometime, I guess.

Andy and April. The spirit animals we need and deserve.

I’m in a weird place right now – where I really want what Andy and April have but it seems beyond my grasp. I’ve made a few attempts to reach for it now.

The fall has been hard each time. I thought it would get easier though, not harder.

I don’t know why I made that assumption.

Love is a beautifully powerful force. I marvel in awe at how it moves us. Not simply romantic love but love in all of its forms – among family, friends, friendly passersby, and the list goes on again.

I love Love.

And I also love Coffee & Cannabis. I hope you do too (responsibly, that is).

Speaking of which, Clint is reviewing cannabis in a separate segment that we both agree works a lot better than what we were doing previously with the show (especially while we’re back in lockdown).