The Fro Speaks #6 – 24 (and there’s so much more)

Old man, look at my life,
24 and there's so much more.

There is so much more.

So much potential and plenty of time left to seize it before the burnout strikes for real. Life has got me tired, admittedly.

But, don’t confuse that with a defeatist statement.

Life has got me tired but it has us all tired. And I have things I need to do to take care of myself that I’ve been neglecting. I haven’t been taking my own mental health nor my own needs seriously – not seriously enough, anyway.

How I manage to avoid doing the things I love on such a consistent basis lately feels beyond me…

Take writing, for example: writing is a core passion of mine. Writing is my peak form of expression. Up until now, however, I’d written very little.

And I’ve been searching for solutions outside of myself that absolve me of responsibility for my actions – searching for a savior from my mess. The truth is the exact opposite: (to beat an old cliche to a pulp) the answers lie within.

What can I do when I’m at the tail-end of a major depressive episode other than survey the damages and try to climb out of this hole?

There are a few answers to that question.

To my mind, prevention is the key. I know that if I actually organize my life that I can follow a routine and keep myself on-track.

Yet, in my depressed state, I have no motivation and no energy to start that routine.

Part of it comes from a lack of self-confidence and reliving old memories – I love the idea of living without regret but it’s not realistic; everyone has regrets but we process them in various ways.

Love lost, such a cost
Give me things that don't get lost
Like a coin that won't get tossed
Rolling home to you

With that in mind, I know 24 won’t be a perfect year. Nothing is perfect.

But I am surrounded by incredible people – people who fill my heart and my life with a joy and love that remains and shall forever remain unrivaled.

My love is a vast ocean and I know I’m not alone at sea – not really.

But I do have to save myself from certain demons. Cut ties where necessary and tie up loose ends. I mean, my life has more dangling plot threads than the [Fo]X-Men franchise or the DC Extended Universe at this point.

I’m excited to overcome the hurdles this time though.

Metaphorically speaking, it’s not about reclaiming what I lost in the fire, but instead about rising from the ashes like the phoenix I know I am (and as a friend recently reminded me) – similar to what I wrote in 2019.

So bring on the rest of 2020 and bring on 2021. I’m ready to rumble.