there and back again.

At work again. I’ve pretty much been living here since Charlotte and I got back at the beginning of this week, actually. Not that I mind all that much: I’m trying to make as much money as possible so I can save it and put it towards my debts and our future wedding. I figure now (well, actually, even earlier would have been better but… listen, we needed a new TV, okay? Don’t judge me…) is probably the best time to start saving as much as possible.

Anyways, who really wants to talk about money…? It’s definitely important but it’s just so frustrating. I’ve seen money ruin more relationships than I can count in so many different ways it’s scary. You’d think, then, that I might dedicate my life to trying to find an alternative to capitalism but alas… I’m just as much of a consumer as every other typical Canadian or US citizen.

Like I said though, enough about money.

Charlotte and I got back from a glorious three-week stretch of time off from December 19th until January 8th. While we spent a majority of it apart from one another I think we both agree it was time well spent surrounded by friends and family. Plus, we did our first ‘tour’ as an engaged couple which was very exciting! Three separate Christmas gatherings later and I never want to see another turkey again but I’m happier than a pig in mud.

I mean, I feel like I actually appropriately divided my time between my friends this time around (which is more than I can say of years past, where we’ve had less time and I was worse at time management). Of course, part of that is also the fact that my relationship with Charlotte has matured a lot – just as we individually have matured outside of our relationship. One thing Charlotte has taught me, which I had never considered before, is that part of what makes a relationship work is your ability to grow with your partner. And evidently, it really is an integral mechanism in our relationship. When we learn and grow together, we experience life together in ways I never could have even imagined and because we have those experiences together they become a sort of relationship “glue” if you will (as suggestive and icky as that may sound).

Being engaged is just one of many things that made me feel old over the holidays. Realistically, I’m at an age and in a position where visiting London for the holidays really is just a “visit.” While my Mom and Dad both always say that I have a place with them if I ever need it, that’s the point… if I need it. My home is with Charlotte here in Thunder Bay for now (even if I will always and still do consider London my home as well). In the near future (i.e. once I’ve graduated from Lakehead), my hope is that London will be our semi-permanent home – and I only say “semi” permanent because who knows where this crazy life will take us in twenty to thirty years. All I know is I never want to be disconnected from my friends and family.

Speaking of which, Shawn’s son Clayton is the second part about being home that made me feel ancient. I mean, the kid is HUGE now (and still has growing to do)! And Shawn’s really come into his own as a father… the paradoxical thing is that it’s both hard and not that hard to believe how far we’ve come. “Hard” in the sense that I could never have imagined, sitting on the big comfy chair that used to reside beside the couch in Shawn’s basement, playing any number of Original Xbox to Xbox 360 games, probably making fun of the fact that John Marston can’t swim in Red Dead Redemption or recording some insane, made-up radio show on one of my many cellphones, that we would both be where we are now. I get teary-eyed just reminiscing about it all. And the truth is, as much as I miss those days of old when we hadn’t a care in the world other than what the next level of Dead Space 2 or F.E.A.R would throw at us – when every week brought a new game of manhunt in the forest by Daisy’s house – I’m just so happy and so proud of where we are now that I wouldn’t change it for the world.

The craziest thing is we can only keep progressing. As much as we may want to relive those memories, we can only live in the past so much. Just like Pop in Luke Cage would say, “Always forward. Forward, always.” A particularly simple yet effective catchphrase.

I look at Shawn, Rain, and Clayton and see such a bright and interesting future for us all. I’m a dreamer though. Always have been, always will be. As Ozzy Osbourne sings, “dreaming my life away.” I can hear it playing over and over again in my head like some crazy, unsettlingly optimistic loop, chanting in the face of a world that doesn’t quite know what it wants. I feel the same (albeit with, of course, a much more romantic tinge) when I look into Charlotte’s eyes. She is my future and I am hers and beyond that lies our future together, hopefully with our own family started and a house and all those cliche things that most of us want because we actually want them, not just because capitalism regulates that we do. But of course, Shawn put it best: “cliche’s are only cliche because they’re so true and exist so often in the world.” I’m paraphrasing but that was the gist. If we want to live in a world where everyone is accepted for who they are then surely we must accept when people want to indulge in the occasional cliche.

Some of my prof’s might tell me otherwise (at least when it comes to writing) though!

Now, back in Thunder Bay, I miss London – my family and friends – with a yearning to just be back and settling down. I do love travelling so we need to get some of that out of the way first. Spain, Italy, etc. We’ve got a lot of ground to cover summer-to-summer. But Charlotte and I, hand-in-hand, can do more on this Earth together than we ever could have apart. I really do believe that.

Time to continue facing the world head-on.