Instapoem – “high tide”

the clouds wandered into the Bay
reached towards the horizon
and sat lazily over the windswept waves.

have you ever fallen down the darkest recesses of your mind?
it’s too deep down there for light;
blinding darkness wraps itself around you –
you feel the acrid burn of depression
tickle and scratch the inside of your throat,
light your lungs ablaze,
pretend nothing hurts
but it does.

in that darkness alone
you feel safe because no one has to see
the brokenness
the smile torn off your face when,
like a wild buck,
life digs itself into your guts by the horns and carries you away.

you lay in a pool of self-pity and loneliness
that oozes out of you onto the freshly shorn grass of an early Fall,
flooding the sea of yellowing, wilting green
with grisly red –
bleeding anger, resentment, and oh god you idiot just let it wash over you
then let it die.

but letting it die means killing part of yourself
which is an inevitable sacrifice we all make
to keep living.

broken hearts ponder this anthropecene nightmare reality TV show called the world
and as i sit by the devices we consider life support i wonder how unlucky i would be

if i felt none of it.